A Night With Him

       



           It was already past 8 in the evening when I reached the place where we agreed to meet tonight, though I was an hour and a half late from the agreed meeting time. While walking along the mall passage against the rushing people with their own whereabouts, l glanced at my phone one last time and smiled impishly reading through your messages;
         "What's your ETA, really?
        "Where are you?, reply ASAP"
      "I'm already here, make sure you are on your way”
         I could already imagine you're being grumpy while sending those messages, and like a child who has done something naughty to their parents, I struggled to contain myself from giggling while I imagined you frowning on your table. While walking, I imagined myself secretly passing through the restaurant entrance door, you were busy peeking at your phone, or you could be playing one of your favorite mobile games, the same game that always takes your attention away. From time to time you will be looking over through the entrance door to check any signs of me, then you will get back at your phone, alternatively checking through your messenger to check for my responses, or to check your social media to keep you preoccupied. Then I will be walking slowly towards your table, the same table that we have always been choosing, it was the one at the farthest end, an isolated table, one of the only tables for two among a number of long dinner tables. From behind your chair I would tap on your shoulder and smile widely anticipating your usual banter about my being late
      "You said you were already in the vicinity”
        or you could be saying:
       “I’ve been here for weeks"
           Or you could simply give me that irritated look while shaking your head slowly out of disappointment. I will just simply twitch my head away wondering why you still find my tardiness surprising given that I have always been late. While you have always been earlier, waiting patiently. I have always been the impulsive one, while you have always been tranquil: I am loud, you are still
          This night though, you were quieter than usual, you did not even bother to mock me for arriving late again this evening, you were just shaking your head while looking at me approaching our table. I tried my best to hide from your sight but you were quick to find me secretly walking through the entrance door. While walking towards you, I was smiling mischievously like a child whose wicked plan was spoiled prematurely; while you were just staring at me with an indolent smile. You could have been tired, or exhausted from waiting, for the first time I was worried that this time, you could have been mad for my steady tardiness; l didn't know then what it was but you just looked indifferent.
           We were sitting opposite each other and you still have not said anything, not even an acknowledgment of my arrival, you were simply staring at me, tensed, you were wiping your sweat though the place was well ventilated. From then on, I sensed something was not right, I suddenly felt my heart beating faster like those instances when someone just knew something bad had happened. Though they were not aware yet, but they just felt it, and it will only be a matter of time before it exposes  itself right in front of them. I stared back at you, this time forcing myself to rebuild the impish smile I once had, carefully reviewing your gestures, from the way you anxiously checks your pocket, to the sudden twitches of your jaw when your mobile phone signaled a message was received; to the way you try to fight back a rush of sudden joy upon reading the message, or who it was from.
        “May I take your orders, Sir? “
       An attendant broke our silence. His abysmal voice pierced through our stillness, but it was just you who were quiet, while, I may have look muted but inside me was a build up of questions firing from my heart rapidly targeting my mind, decoding your silence, both were struggling to interpret your actions
       “and you, Sir? “
      I heard the attendant’s voice again, his attention was turned towards me this time. Never did I notice that you have already given you order, I was blankly staring back at the attendant when I unconsciously uttered,
      “I’ll get the same thing as him”
    I watched the attendant walked away, disappearing into the tables of happy families, across the room where the rest of the guests were in the mood for chit chatting, for laughing, for not being silent. When I caught you staring at me again, you were then looking much relaxed, one hand on the table clutching your mobile tightly, while the other hand was under the table. I could be wrong, your other hand might be somewhere else, I adjusted my seat to get a better secret glance, and I found it inside your jeans front pocket. This time I could tell I was right, you were holding something inside your pocket, from the way it made traces on your jeans, I had been sure of its figure. A small box
        I was frantically breathing when my mind suddenly anticipated what could be happening next. Suddenly, it was all clear to me, your gestures, your silence, you discomfort, it all pointed to that thing n your pocket. I could now feel my throat had dried, I felt numb, or It could be nausea, I did not know what to feel, in fact I could not feel anything, everything was in slow motion. I knew this day would come, but I never really prepared myself for this particular moment. I have rehearsed for job interviews, or for  speeches, but not this.
         I shut off my inner voice when you finally revealed that thing inside your pocket, and I was right. On your hand there laid a small crimson box, on top of it there was a tiny pink ribbon. You carefully opened it and inside was a ring, a beautiful ring. Its diamond sat exquisitely at the center, glistening confidently as light rushed to greet it when the box was opened. From the ring, my sight turned towards you, and I melted. I have never seen you as proud as that moment, there was excitement lurking behind your calm eyes as the ring reflect on them.
       Against a lovely sight before me, I struggled to bite back my lip, to say anything, as if there was a lump in my throat. My eyes were struggling harder to fight off the tears, to pour out the emotion that I have long been containing. I took a last glance at you and into the diamond ring as I regained my strength to finally utter;
      “that’s beautiful,” I grasped air in, “She will love it for sure,”
      You smiled gently, looking prouder than before. Then I successfully rebuilt the impish smile that I have always been wearing.
     

 

Ako....

Dear You,

 

 

                     Malamig na hangin ang patuloy na nagpapagising sa yo sa gabing ito. May iilang patak ng ulan din ang unti unting bumubuhos sa bubungan ninyo. Napapatitig ka bigla sa iyong ulunan at naalala na tuwing umuulan, tumutulo ang bubong na nasa tapat mismo ng sofang hinihigaan mo. Mga tatlong taon na din iyang sofang inari mo bilang higaan sa pagtulog at mangilan ngilang dasal na din ang nadinig niyan mula sa iyo

 

                     Ang kaninang ambon ay unti unti na ngayong lumalakas, naalala mo na kanina lamang ay ibinalita ang paparating na bagyo. Ramdam na din ang lamig ng hangin at mula sa siwang sa inyong bubungan ay gumuguhit na din ang kidlat na siya namang susundan ng nakabibinging kulog. Tahimik na ang buong kabahayan ninyo at mahimbing na ang pagtulog nang mga kasambahay mo. Sa ibaba ng sofa na kinahihigaan mo ay nakahiga naman ang nakatatanda mong kapatid na babae at payapang nahihimbing. Sa tabi niya ay ang inyong Ina na bagamat himbing na din sa pagtulog ay nababakas naman ang pagod sa maghapong pagtitinda ng niluto niyang nilupak sa buong araw. Napangiti ka kasi naalala mo na nakaraming hiwa ka ng nilupak kanina habang ikaw ang nagbabantay. Paborito mo ang panindang nilupak nang iyong ina. Sa muling pagdagundong ng kulog ay nag alala ka at hindi pa nakakauwi ang iyong ama mula sa pagmamaneho ng pinapasadang pampasaherong jeep na biyaheng San Juan - Crame. Muli, napadasal ka na sana ay walang mangyaring masama sa iyong ama at makauwi ito nang ligtas.

 

                       Hindi lamang ang paparating na bagyo ang dahilan kung bakit hanggang sa mga oras na ito ay gising ka pa. Bukod sa pag aalala sa iyong ama, naisip mo din na sana ay sapat ang kinita nang iyong ama dahil kinabukasan ay may kailangang bayaran sa isa sa major subject ninyo. Kasalukuyan kang nag aaral sa PUP at nasa ikatlong taon ka na. Ilang gabi ka na ding hindi ka makatulog dahil sa papalapit na defense ng inyong thesis. Sa loob nang tatlong taon sa pag aaral mo ay halos araw araw mo nang naging suliranin ang pera; pamasahe papunta at pauwi sa unibersidad, maging ang ilang baabyarin sa paaralan. Ilang beses mo na ding nasaksihan ang iyong ina na manghiram sa mga kamag anak ninyo. Nasaksihan mo na din kung paano minsa'y masigawan ang iyong ina ng nakatatandang kapatid niya dahil sa pangungutang nito. May mga pagkakataon na pumapasok kang pamasahe lamang ang laman ng iyong bulsa at hiyang hiya ka na din sa mga kaibigan mo sa school sa madalas nilang pagsagot sa pangkain mo. Pero sa kabila nito ay napigilan mo ang muling pagpatak ng iyong luha na muntik na namang basain ang iyong unan. Mas pinili mong maging positibo at tanawin ang araw na hindi mo na magiging suliranin ang pera.

 

                        Maliban sa pag iisip nang iyong suliranin sa unibersidad ay mayroon ding gumugulo sa isip mo sa gabing ito. Ilang gabi mo na ding dinadala ang nararamdaman mo, at may pagkakataon na ito ay nagdadala sa iyo ng kasiyahan na hindi mo gaanong maipaliwanag. May kakaibang namumuong pagtingin ka sa isa sa mga kaibigan mo na halos gabi gabi mong nakaka kuwentuhan. Batid mong high school pa lang ay kakaiba ka na subalit pilit mo itong itinatago at  ito ang unang pagkakataon na gusto mo nang maging higit pa sa isang kaibigan ang maging relasyon ninyo. Madalas kayo ang naiiwang magkausap lalo pa at tuwing nagkakayayaan kayong ng mga pinsan mo na mag inuman. Naalala mo, gabing umuulan din nang unang beses kayong nagkakilala kaya naman, may kakaibang pakiramdam ang sa yo ay bumabalot sa tuwing gabi at ganito ang lagay ng panahon.

 

                        Subalit sa gabing ito, may kaunting kaguluhan sa iyong isipan tungkol sa iyong kaibigan. Isang linggo na ang nakakaraan, katatapos lang din ng inyong inuman. Ang mga pinsan mo ay nagsi uwian, ikaw at ang iyong kaibigan na lamang ang natitira dahil kayo ang nautusan na magligpit ng pinag inuman. Kapansin pansin ang pananahimik ng kaibigan mo at ikaw lamang ang kumikilos sa pagliligpit. Kung dati ay tila hindi ito nalalasing, nang gabing iyon ay tahimik lamang ito sa isang sulok. Paglabas mo galing sa bahay na pinag saulian mo ng mga ginamit ninyo ay naabutan mo syang tila natutulog habang ang mga kamay niya ay nakatakip sa kanyang mukha. Niyaya mo siyang umuwi na at sa kanilang tahanan ipagpatuloy ang pagtulog nito subalit hinila niya ang braso mo at pina upo sa tabi niya. Pareho lamang kayong tahimik, siya bilang tila natutulog at ikaw sa kadahilanang nalilito sa mga maaring sumunod na kaganapan

 

                     "Baka gusto mo...." hindi mo na hinayaan siyang tapusin ang sasabihin niya, bagkus, tumayo ka at sinabi mong uuwi na. Humakbang ka papalayo at hindi na siya nilingon pa. Kinabukasan ay nabalitaan mo na lamang na bumalik sa siya nang Baguio. Sa gabing ito, naguguluhan ka at paulit ulit mong inaalala ang gabing iyon at inisip kung ano ang maaring mangyari kung nagka lakas loob ka na tapusin ang nais niyang sabihin. Nalungkot ka dahil gusto mo lang naman na maging higit pa sa kaibigan ang turing niya sa iyo. Inisip mo na pinakawalan mo ang pagkakataon ng gabing iyon, at ngayon malayo na siya sa iyo

 

                     Pero wag kang mawalan ng pag asa, marami, as in marami ka pang makakasalamuhang lalake sa buhay mo. Ang iba ay magiging kaibigan mo sa simula at magiging higit pa sa kaibigan ang magiging relasyon nyo. Maniwala ka, just be positive dahil ako ang future self mo. Yes, I am writing to you from the present time, 8 years mula sa gabing iyan na bumabagyo.

 

                    Well, this night is kind of warm,dito sa sarili king kwarto sa ibabaw ng malambot at queen size bed ko (hindi na ko sa sofa natutulog, pinamigay na ni papa yun) ginagawa ko ang sulat ko sa iyo gamit ang tablet ko (yes, wala pa nito sa panahon mo, yan ngang celphone na gamit mo ay mp3 pa lang ang meron...oo nga pala, may camera na din yan pero ubod ng labo, pang mahirap kumbaga...lol. Ooops, laugh out loud pala meaning non, at yung tablet, para siyang illustration board na gawa sa salamin, touch screen, basta, tapos dito pwede ka na mag internet, mag Facebook, pero friendster pa uso dyan)

 

                  Another thing, ladlad na pala ako, pansin mo ba sa way ng pagsusulat ko, tatanggapin ka ng pamilya mo despite this. And people will also like you coz of your humor, no dull moments daw kapag kasama ka nila. Eniwey, going back to your lovelife (uuuuyyy, tama nabasa mo, magkaka lovelife ka nga) you will have a fair share of boys in your life. Sa kasalukuyan, nakaka tatlo na ako (yep, medyo may kalandian ka in the future hehe)

 

                 But I am currently with the one I am very happy with. Pinangarap ko to nang matagal just like yung taga Baguio, pero sadly, hindi na babalik pang muli si Baguio guy, but the the one I am currently with, SOBRANG lamang kay Baguio Boy, promise

 

 

              And lastly, makakahinga ka na ng maluwag, makaka graduate ka, mairaraos mo yung thesis nyu, kayo pa nga ng  mga ka group mo ay magiging best thesis eh...And yes, hindi mo na po problemahin ang pera, you will be employed right after the graduation, you will have a high paying job, ang judging from how I speak, mag ko call center ka haha. Seriously, wag ka masyadong mag isip, lahat ng pangarap mo matutupad, promise!

 

 

              So habang bumabagyo sa labas, I want to tell you to sleep tight, and dont over think. At pahabol nga pala, thank you for being such a strong lad during those trying times, you were one hell of a tough twink..kumbaga, astig kang bakla ka!  

 

 

 

 

Kisses,

 

Your 28 - year old self

Jan, 2014